Gorwing Up

I remember when I was 15 years old.

(Stop LAUGHING!! I can remember that far back!)

Anyway--I was 15 years old, and every single cell in my body was stretching toward adulthood. Yearning for it. Straining like an overextended bungee cord.

I wanted to drive.

That was the main thing. I knew 15 wouldn't make me financially independent, free from parental authority or suddenly rich. But I also knew that I could do that magic thing called "driving!"

I couldn't wait.

But I had to. I waited and waited and waited.

No matter how much I wished it, 16 would not come for a year.

Now I am 57, and I've stopped growing up. One could even say I'm growing down. You know...the fatigue where there used to be energy, the mysterious bumps and age spots breaking out on my face (when I was a teenager, it was forests of zits...now it's age spots. Hoo boy)!


And of course, the expanding waist line.

I am planning a short backpacking trip, so I dug my big plastic gear container out of the basement clutter, huffed it upstairs and dumped it on the carpet. One of the things I did was try my two backpacks on.

Yep, backpacks never lie. They have big, solid straps and buckles. They're made not to slip, and they don't!

So my horrifically accurate backpack straps showed me now much weight I have gained.

Mercilessly.

To be fair, I have gained muscle in my shoulders and chest too...but somehow that doesn't make it any better.

I don't want to grow down; I want to grow up--spiritually.

You know, those dreams you have as a Christian: "I'm gonna pray four hours every day and have ecstatic experiences with God!" Or, "I'm gonna fast every week until I have a breakthrough!" Or, "I'm gonna memorize the entire book of First John because it's so neat!"

Growing up. I tried to do some of those things (well, all of them). And it was always a bust.

Result: Living life very disappointed in myself.

But God showed me recently that I can't grow up. None of us can.

John the Baptist, when told that "everybody" was going to Jesus instead of him, said, "A man can receive only what is given him from heaven" (John 3:27). Not more.

Just like the 15 year old who wants to be 16 so he can drive, there's no way to rush that process.

None of us can physically grow up faster. And our spiritual lives are much the same.

I don't mean we should abandon the spiritual disciplines, like reading the Bible and praying. Even 10 year olds have to brush their teeth, comb their hair, eat right and exercise.

I mean we should stop stressing about how far we've come in the Christian life. Or more accurately, how far we haven't come yet.

I see Christians who are beating themselves up. Because they aren't preachers. Or they don't share their faith enough. Or read the entire Bible every year.

And God yawns. Then he says, "You're 12. Why are you trying to be 35?"

As God showed me this, it brought me tremendous peace.

I thought, "I don't have to grow up! I can just be a kid and love Jesus!"

Because we're all kids.

You know about Jesus and kids, right?  Mothers were bringing their toddlers so Jesus could hold them and bless them. The disciples got mad about this waste of time. So they began shooing those women off. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it" (Mark 10:14-15).

Did Jesus really mean that? Maybe we Christians need to think about this more. Because I certainly have been guilty of thinking I need to kick it in gear, grow up and earn more points for God. After all, that's what makes us valuable to him, right?

Yet when I think of the times in my life when I had major spiritual growth, they were all God's idea...in fact, I was hardly conscious of trying at all. God moved in my heart and I responded. It was as simple as that.

Let's all stop trying to grow up. Instead, let's love Jesus like crazy and live that joy every day.