Oh, NO!!
It's been two whole MONTHS since my last blog?
That's SHAMEFUL!! How could this HAPPEN?
Actually, I know how this happened.
As a pastor, I am called to (and love to) visit patients in various hospitals, especially before and after surgeries, until they're released.
This is usually kind of fun.
I enjoy driving, and the peace which comes from rolling through open Indiana countryside on a summer day. This leads to the visit, which makes my friend happier, especially when they've been laying in a hospital bed for 39 hours with nothing but cable television and the occasional injection to amuse them.
But something has gone horribly wrong.
There is a national conspiracy against pastors.
Don't try to convince me otherwise. I know.
The plan is to discourage the spread of the gospel by planting hospitals farther and farther from wherever the patient actually lives. This is an attempt to discourage pastors from visiting them.
Yes. It's true.
Everyone from the president down will deny it.
But I know.
I'm one of the few who know.
I used to drive to Lutheran Hospital in Fort Wayne (about 45 minutes) and Parkview Hospital (about an hour) to visit people. I drove there a lot. I used to joke that I came so much I was going to hang my pictures on their walls.
THEN they began sending people to sparkling new hospitals beyond Fort Wayne, such as Parkview North (which is a city by itself--they ought to call it Hospital City) and DuPont Hospital. Driving to these feels like going to the other side of the planet!
I mean, just getting there takes an hour and twenty minutes!
And, as if that wasn't enough, I now have several people who--through no fault of their own, have been sent to Indianapolis!
Do you know how far Indianapolis is from here? It's two and a half hours one way, including the tedious ordeal through Kokomo! And Kokomo has the world's record number of stop lights on a state highway!
But it gets worse! Kokomo has now added--and I can hardly say it--road construction!
A multitude of stop lights and road construction!
Can you say, "Nervous breakdown?"
You may occasionally see a stopped car by the side of the highway in Kokomo. Do not, I repeat, do NOT stop to help the driver. He could be having a psychotic episode through driving stress. He could attempt to take your life. And given the frenzy this kind of driving produces, he just might succeed.
I'm telling you, a trip to an Indy hospital is a LONG TRIP! Don't be fooled by those who say they can make it in two hours. Ohhhh, no. If they can, they're either leaving at 2 am or they're driving at 78 miles per hour like most other drivers going South to Indy.
Of course, all of this takes a toll on me.
No matter how pleasant the visit with my friend in the hospital has been, I return from Indy shaking and sweating. My legs are stiff and I walk like a zombie. My eyes dart left and right because of kamikaze lane changes. I am slightly sick from the garbage I've had to eat while I traveled. My face is pale and my breath rancid.
I actually had to replace my car because its minimalist seats could not contend with this kind of high-intensity travel.
So this is why I have been lax with my blog. And parenting. Also time with the Lord, exercise, home maintenance, actually speaking with my wife on any real level, and last but not least, sermon preparation.
Things sould be getting better. They really sould.
Except another good friend has just been admitted to I.U. Methodist.
In Indy.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going off to the corner for my psychotic episode.
I earned it, I deserve it, and I'm gonna have it.
